wanted to find a portal where i can present my tots freely.. perhaps remaining anonymous is the only way..

today is a really weird day..

1st:

my fren (someone whom let's just say we're not fated) who is supposed to be overseas and did not contact for quite some time.. gave me a surprise call, telling me he's in sg.. and he's single but doesn't seem so..we chatted for a while.. ended quite abruptly cuz he said he'll call me back.. but he never did..

ok i don't know wad tt's supposed to mean.. i think he changed his no too which means i can't contact him.. to me now.. he's just a fren.. hope we can catch up a little before he goes back.. =)

2nd:

my hr contacted me and told me i have to repeat my blood test! i assume that she doesn't know the reason thus i did not ask.. hmm.. really don't know wad's wrong.. n i'll hope for the best.. bt i certainly don't like to take injections! doesn't hurt like hell.. bt de feeling is just.. not nice..

and i know where i have to report to work on the first day of my working life.. back to a familiar place.. at least i know what to expect and the person there.. bt.. it's not a very good feeling either.. had a dream tt involved the in-charge of de place.. is it a sign.. scary.... prays tt everything goes well.... *pray hard*

3rd:

my ex actually took the initiative to chat with me on msn just now!! i'm really quite surprised.. tho he doesn't seem interested to carry on the chat so it just ended fast.. is he concerned bout me? bt then when i told him bout de blood test, his reply was just an oh.. sounds uninterested rite?! kinda disappointed..

i have lots to say to him.. but a side of me tells me that i should move on.. i shouldn't be clinging onto him.. i think i was trying too hard in the past.. i was hoping too much and each time i just got slammed back to reality.. this blog was set up so i can say wadever i feel like saying to u here..

i really missed u.... from the time we broke up.. i felt i lost my gravity.. i tried to keep myself busy, happy but all i think about when i wake up every morning is u.. i pray for u, pray for ur family.. i hope u'll b happy.. i hope u'll come back..

after the trip i was slammed really hard.. i can feel tt u're really over me.. perhaps it's all a mistake from the start.. am i just a substitute? i really hate to think tt way.. bt i can't help it.. from the attitude u gave me.. i really feel like crying.. can u see tt i'm just trying to show my concern? i'm just trying to gt some affection from u bt all i get was ice cold.. the wind was big.. it blew my heart cold... from the day we flew back.. i told myself to leave everything there.. to end it there and then.. sad to say.. i'm still trying.. stopping myself from chatting with u.. stopping myself frm sms-ing u.. sometimes i just can't control.. i wan to tell u my happy things.. my sad things.. and i still wanna know how u're doing..

when it's full moon, i just gaze at it.. and wish everything would change.. as i look at the stars, i'm reminded of ur words... of the times we spent star gazing.. i really missed those times.. the very gentle and swt part of u..

how r u doing there? are u happy? r u eating and sleeping well? when u're sad would u remember tt i'm still around to hear ur grouses? is ur happiness and sadness controlled by her? is she really the reason?

sometimes i'm thinking.. if i ignored u, would u be more interested to find out bout me? if i had done tt earlier, would u come back to me? i know i'm silly.. ppl in love is blind.. ppl out of love is dumb..

till now... i'm still haunted by tt day's image... and the pain still lingers... too scary.. too pain... rite now, i don't wanna experience it again.. i'm nt ready.. i'm really scared to hear words like tt again...